roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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