i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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