there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
