You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
