'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
