life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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