Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
