can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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