I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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