She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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