im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
