So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
