Who wears a wallet chain?!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
