If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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