I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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