He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
