cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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