Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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