if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
