She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
