you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
