i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
