you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.