he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?