Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers