That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?