I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.