I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
