drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down