as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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