Can i not drive my cunt home
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
