all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
