someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
