Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
