Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
