i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
