Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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