only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
