my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
