Jerry, you need to find god
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it hurts more in the daytime
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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