Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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