im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
