you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
