I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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