Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
