But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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