Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
