just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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