Apparently you make a good broom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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