Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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