the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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