I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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