did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
