We won't sleep together?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
