It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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