It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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