i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize