I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
