So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
