don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
