i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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