I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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