when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
