There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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