Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
