AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
