just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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