we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
