Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
