dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
