I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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