You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
