a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
