just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
