If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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