i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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