I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
