girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
