She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
