We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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